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Singles Dating
Advice
That Might Surprise You
Singles dating today can be a complex ritual of do's and don'ts.
Our advice is...have a game plan and got for it. However, we
assume that:
- You have dealt with past relationships and what
you expect.
- You are clear about the reasons for wanting a
relationship.
- You are willing and able to put in the work
that creating a committed, loving relationship requires.
 If
you have these qualities to begin with, you are well ahead of the
game.
Now that you know "you"
are ready, how do you find a partner who is also ready for a
committed, loving relationship?
When you meet someone and are unsure if he/she is the right special
one, ask yourself a few questions:
- "Is (my potential partner) ready for a
committed relationship?"
- "Is he/she the one for me?"
- Perhaps, more importantly, "Is he/she not the
one for me?"
Maybe
you won't know that answer immediately, but have them somewhere in the
back of your mind as you progress through your courtship.
According
to divorce statistics, in over 50 percent of marriages, the answer of
one or both partners is: "You are not the one for me."
It
is important to be honest with yourself and your potential partner.
Both of you need to know what each wants out of life.
Discuss your dreams, goals, lifestyles, hobbies, finances, religious
and political beliefs, and desires for having children.
Nowadays,
many singles dating relationships end because partners allow the
relationship to further develop without first discussing these topics.
Truth and honesty are of the utmost importance in any
relationship.
Over
time, we see that singles dating and courtship is being transformed
from a much more rigid, technical, and rule-based game of the
sexes to "anything goes".
"The Rules: Time Tested
Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right,"
(Warner books) by authors Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider is an
example of the mindset of some dating singles not that long ago.
Ms.
Fein and Ms. Schneider advocate an approach to dating for women that is
designed to "catch a man"-lure him, captivate him, and eventually steer
him toward a committed relationship.
The authors suggest that
women today are too giving, open, and nice to men -- and that this
approach causes men to lose interest quickly.
Instead, they
recommend that women play "hard to get," using a new set of rules,
which they claim helped them to snare their own husbands.
Some of their
35 Key Rules for singles dating include:
- Don't talk to a man first.
- Don't stare at a man or talk too much.
- Don't go Dutch on a date or meet him anywhere.
- Have him pick you up.
- Don't call him. Rarely return his calls.
- Always end phone calls first.
- Don't accept a Saturday night date after
Wednesday.
- Always end the date first.
- Stop dating him if he doesn't buy you a
romantic birthday or Valentine's gift.
- Don't see him more than once or twice a week.
- Be honest but mysterious.
- Don't tell him what to do.
- Let him take the lead.
- Don't live with a man or leave things at his
apartment.
- Don't do anything else but casual kissing on
the first date.
- Don't rush into sex.
We don't advocate one rule over the other...or even suggest that this
is right for you.
In fact, we find it astonishing that millions of copies of these books
have been sold over a very short period of time.
We believe that singles dating and relationships should be fun and
exciting without any so-called "rules" as listed above.
Maybe
it is a desire to find new answers, especially for young people who
have witnessed so many failed relationships in their parents'
generation.
We do hope (and believe) that most of us strive
for a loving, intimate, committed relationship with another person,
built on trust, honesty, open communication without any rules or deceit.
In addition to the singles
dating discussion here, don't forget our other topics in the American singles
section such as: dating club,
adult match
maker, American
dating, fitness
singles and speed
dating.
In the mood for something romantic?
Don' forget to check out our flirting,
best love, first time, love ideas and romantic ideas
sections
for more inspiration.
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