 |
 |
Relationship
Communication
Is
The Bedrock of Success
Effective relationship
communication
is the bedrock of a solid, healthy relationship.
The
key words here are ‘effective’ and ‘relationship’.
Effective
communication doesn't have to be hard.
Discussing the
latest football scores, working out a household budget
together or planning the Christmas
holiday together is communicating that helps to build
a fun, healthy,
sharing partnership,
But partners also need to
communicate about relationship issues.
Yes, the above examples could
lead to potential relationship issues, but they begin as
merely topics of
conversation.
Relationship
communication become relationship issues when there is a
dispute.
That’s what ‘issue’ means – something that involves a difference of
opinion and that has the potential to create a problem if not resolved.
There’s a big difference between having a chuckle
about your dinner guests behavior after a few glasses of wine and
patting each other on the back about the lavish spread you put on for
them, and waiting for your guests to leave so you can have a
high-decibel argument about how much your partner drank (too much) and
who was responsible for taking the soufflé out of the oven.
In
this last instance, what starts as a disagreement becomes a
relationship issue, e.g., "your drinking is a problem in our
relationship". This is the time when you need to recognize alcohol is a
relationship issue and requires relationship communication.
This
issue
is not merely a topic of conversation, e.g., I noticed you quaffing
rather a lot of red wine – it has a wonderful bouquet, doesn’t
it?
Consider
the following communication
goals and rules.
- Respecting
the other person’s point of view
- Allowing your
partner to have their say without interruption
- Playing
fair, (e.g. not using manipulative techniques to ‘win’ the
dispute)
- Being aware of your
body language,
including your tone of voice and gestures
- Having
empathy for your partner’s position and a willingness to
consider their point of view
- Having faith that
the issue can be resolved successfully
- Keeping
the issue in perspective and in context, (e.g. not dragging
other issues into the discussion net)
So, how does relationship
communication become effective?
Discussing football scores doesn’t
require effective communication as such, because there is no measure by
which one can judge whether a discussion achieved a goal.
In
fact,
there is no necessity for measurement. Discussing football scores is
purely a matter of sharing thoughts and having a good conversation.
Sometimes
it
is a good idea to have a mediator in a discussion. But getting someone
to mediate your discussion shouldn’t be necessary initially.
A
couple
needs to first try and see if they can communicate without outside
help, not least of all because relationship issues are often private.
One or the other partner may feel inhibited by sharing their problems
with someone outside the relationship.
But if the
relationship needs
relationship counseling or marriage help, remember that professional
relationship therapists have been trained to be both discreet and
objective.
You are not the first couple who has had
a problem and the
chances are good that your problem is not nearly as severe/
embarrassing/ insurmountable as you might think.
As
a postscript, I must add that issues like alcohol or drug dependence,
or physical abuse will almost certainly require external support,
advice and help for both the individual and the couple.
For additional relationship
management
advice, such as the relationship
communication section here, please check out the
topics on:
|
|
|
