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Relationship
Addiction
Tough
to Diagnose
Before
we look at what is relationship addiction and how to deal with it,
let’s define addiction in general terms.
Addiction
is usually defined as:
- an
abnormal tolerance to something that is psychologically and/ or
physically habit-forming...or
- a dependence on
something that is
psychologically and/ or physically habit-forming.
We
usually look at addiction as something negative. We often use drugs and
alcohol as examples of addiction.
We also talk about our addiction to
chocolate or coffee.
Most times when we talk about
addiction, the
source of the addiction is something that isn’t good for us. In truth,
we can be addicted to apparently good things, like exercise.
If
exercise becomes an addiction it may be because you are neglecting
other areas of your life in order to exercise, or it may be that you’re
prone to sports injuries.
By saying an addiction to relationships is
negative is not saying the source of the addiction is negative. Coffee,
alcohol and exercise are not intrinsically negative.
They become
negative when we depend on them, when they become part of our habit and
routine without adding any value, and/ or when our lives are changed
for the worse by our dependence.
So what is
relationship addiction? And how do you know if you’re addicted to your
relationship? You might be
addicted if:
- If you neglect
yourself, always putting your relationship first
- If
you need
your relationship (note I say relationship rather than partner) to the
extent you couldn’t function outside of it
- If
you have changed your values, life view, habits, and needs and wants
in order to maintain the status quo in your relationship
- If
you neglect
your partner and ignore their needs, putting your view of what you
expect the structure of home lifestyle to be
When
you understand that you have a relationship addiction problem, you can
start to make the changes you need to free yourself from your
dependence and develop a healthy relationship with your partner.
It
won’t be easy, but it is not impossible to do. Even the smallest of bad
habits is difficult to change.
The
best way to change bad habits is to replace them with good ones. Ah, I
can almost hear you say, but then you just exchange one bad habit for
another. Not really. Habits often become
unconscious.
And unconscious acts are difficult to control.
If
you feel you may have a relationship addiction, my advice is that you
need to seek relationship counseling for both yourself and your partner.
For additional relationship
management
advice, such as the relationship addiction section here, please check out the
topics on:
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