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A Healthy
Relationship
Begins
From Within
A
healthy relationship is defined firstly by the individuals themselves –
their attitudes and values - and secondly by the way they interact as a
couple.
--A Personal Story--(from
one of our E-Zine members)
"I was involved with an abusive marriage, but even long after
it ended I continued
to mourn the end of the relationship, despite knowing rationally that
it was the worst relationship I had ever had, that nobody deserved what
I had been through and that there was absolutely zero hope of
recovering anything from the marriage.
A healthy relationship was very far off. Frankly,
relationship
counseling would only have created another source of conflict.
In fact,
at one stage, I went for marriage help ON MY OWN. He refused to join
me. Now if that isn’t a sign of a troubled relationship, I don’t know
what is.
Then I met a man while I was out one evening. He turned out
to be THE ONE. Before you put on your dancing shoes and get down to
your nearest pub, bear in mind the old adage: If you meet him in a pub,
you will lose him in a pub.
I believe this generally holds true, but in
my case, fortunately, Cupid had let fly with his love arrow.
Admittedly
it is only a year later, but every day we become closer, fall more in
love, are more comfortable with each other, and, remarkably, have more
respect and ‘like’ for each other.
Most importantly of all, we have
grown as individuals within a healthy relationship.
When
I met my partner, for instance, I didn’t have a job.
I now have a great
job, which he was instrumental in finding for me. When we met, he was a
retired television couch potato.
Now, he is a happy house husband with
a spring in his step, motivated to create a happy home for us both.
He
has expressed interest in writing, yoga and ballroom dancing, which
translates as a desire for personal fulfillment as well as a need to
share similar interests with me.
So what is the
secret to this healthy relationship? We both are pretty sensible,
intelligent people with good values and without any major neuroses or
skeletons in our cupboards.
We are both professional people so we have
interpersonal relationship skills. We use logical thinking
and are not
overly swayed by emotion.
We are well-read and understand how to
communicate with other people.
We have relationship experience which
we’ve learned from and apply these lessons to our relationship.
But,
and here’s the rub, we have a healthy relationship...but not a perfect
relationship. We do argue.
We disagree about many things. Sometimes we need personal space.
But we
never let relationship issues get in the way of our commitment to each
other as individuals who have been fortunate enough to find each other.
These issues are part and parcel of life. We deal with them the same
way we would deal with a work problem. You don’t leave a job because
someone hasn’t replied to your memo or your boss tells you he doesn’t
like your proposal for the new project.
And the point I am making here
is, metaphorically, if you generally like your job (relationship),
don’t let petty issues destroy it (the healthy relationship).
And the
only way you will be able to
deal with issues, petty or otherwise, is by taking responsibility for
how you as an individual deal with the ups and downs of life – with
integrity, humor and empathy. "
*We come to love
not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect
person perfectly.
For additional relationship
management
advice, such as the healthy
relationship section here, please check out the
topics on:
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